2005 Cranberry Festival

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Morrison Park, Seneca, PA

 

"Backwoods Redneck Olympics"

 

 

Professional Redneck Athletes are needed for the “Backwoods Redneck Olympics” which will be held in Morrison Park on Saturday, September 24th.  As part of the 2005 Cranberry Festival, the new “Backwoods Redneck Olympics” will give new meaning to the word athlete.  All athletes must be at least sixteen years of age in order to participate.  The Olympic events start at 3pm and are as follows:

 

Redneck Tractor Pull

In our neck of the woods, the tractor is pulled by the redneck!  The Redneck will be in competition with other rednecks to see who can pull the tractor the furthest distance in the shortest time.  Do not try this one at home folks! 

 

Wheel Barrel Race

Each redneck will be driving a wheel barrel filled with three fifty pound sacks of potatoes.  The object is to drive the wheel barrel through the obstacle course without spilling the load.  In order to maintain the true look of a redneck, each driver will be provided with a beautiful straw hat which must be worn with a smile.

 

Clean the Barn

Ever heard of Road Apples?  You’ll have to shovel them into a wheel barrel (okay we will use “red apples here” along with some hay, drive them around the hay bales, saddle a horse, and race back through the bales, unload the wheel barrel, and ring the bell in order to win this event. 

 

Redneck Horseshoes

Real rednecks don’t use horseshoes!  They use toilet seats! Do you think you can throw a ringer?  This one is going to be a real hoot!

 

Cranberry Spitting Contest

Now how could an Olympics be complete without this event?  Each redneck athlete will be asked to “bob” for cranberries from a toilet bowl!  Don’t worry – the toilet will be a never used model!  The athlete will then spit the cranberries through a hoop and into a drum to be counted.  Style is everything in this event.

 

Redneck Pie Eating Contest

Everyone has heard of this type of contest right?  Well in redneck country, the pies are unsweetened!  Pucker up your lips and bring your appetite for this one.  Limited to the first 12 entrants!

 

Log Rolling Contest

This contest is no hands on!  One way or another, but without using their hands, the redneck athletes competing in this contest need to roll their log across the field and into a small opening at the finish line.

 

Corn Shucking Contest

This is a timed event.  Each Redneck Athlete will be given 3 dried ears of corn.  The first athlete to shuck the kernels off of all three ears just might be a Redneck Olympic winner.

 

Rock Skipping Contest

To be held on the pond in the park.  Redneck rocks will be provided.  Two tries per athlete.

 

Hillbilly Pumpkin Toss

This one should be self explanatory folks!  Start practicing at home.

 

 

 

Ribbons & Prizes will be provided to the winners for each event. 

 

Some events are limited as to the number of participants, so pre-registration is advised by calling

Ken Miller of Miller’s Design at 677-4500

to register for the event or events of your choice

or

you can take your chances and register on the day of the festival,

but participation cannot be guaranteed on same day registration. 

 

More information about the upcoming Cranberry Festival can be found at www.cranberry-pa.org.